Sunday, June 17, 2007

Superscar - Sivaji


Sunday morning, 15 minutes before noon, I hear a faint knock followed by a familiar voice. It has just been 3 hours since I fell asleep. I groggily lift my head as I enquire to the reason of this blasphemy. Coming from a family that regards the Sabbath to be a holy day, I was obviously annoyed at the brazen intrusion. Turns out I am being asked if I want to join my roommate to a Tamil movie (for the record, I don’t speak the language and my understanding of it is just sufficient to hire an auto rickshaw). He just got ditched by another friend of ours and wants to avoid going alone. After some calls (trying to avoid having to say ok) I seem to have worked myself into a corner and agree to accompany him. The car is rented, made some ham and cheese sandwiches with bologna (we ran out of different types of salami as you can see) and we hit the road.

Starting time, 4:30 PM; that’s what the ticket reads. 4:05 and we make it into the parking lot. There seems to be a huge queue of Indians. We join it right at the back. But it isn’t until 5 that we are allowed into the theater. The show is delayed, apparently because “cleaning the theater will take longer”, sugar-coated for you cultureless motherfucking excuses for civilized humans since the previous crowd had thrown bits of paper into the air as a symbolic gesture for happiness. Hence the delay. As I hear the news, the grumblings begin. Not to mention the 90 degree weather that has me sweating like a hippo (got sick of pigs, except one ;) ) So I’m watching the bemused passersby as they wonder why the fuck there is a 100 man queue outside a theatre. Some pause, to enquire, all the time adding to my hysterical laughter and terrorist jokes.

5 past 5, lights dim before finally going off and before the movie even begins, a series of roars and whistles and god knows what else overtakes the theatre. The movie lasts a little shy of three and half hours. Luckily I’m not paying for this movie. I have some free sodas and my handy bag of cream and onion chips. One hour into the movie, and its not started. Though I have seen more skin in this movie than in Original sin or Embrace of the vampire, the censor boards continue to find breasts and vaginas too sensitive for the Indian paying public, who continue to objectify women in their movies and in their lives. Can’t blame them, for the main female role is just for the sake of titillation and to render the depth in the stereotypical patriarchal male lead character. On a different note, I enjoyed it. She was hot and almost naked most of the time, except when she had to step into the role of the “perfect woman”.

After the intermission the movie finally picks up. The second half of the movie had the lead popping gum on rebounds and flashily changing his sunglasses and stupidly retarded dialogues. Though, some were funny, I wish I was emo enough to slit my throat. There was no real story to carry the movie for half a good nights sleep except the “superstar” status of the lead. Actually it is not too late. I can slit my throat even now. Crap. I don’t have it in me. And now the semi-naked female interest barely shows herself either. Fuck. Maybe I should start making out with the woman next to me!? Oh… crap, wall to one side, roommate to the other. Maybe hitting my head on the wall will save me from the toothache of a movie and just in case my roommate can read minds. So it’s 8:30 PM now. Movie just got done. And we have to be home by 10. I was hoping to get 15 minutes of parking lot driving experience before heading back. I should have stayed home and finished the third season of family guy. Damn you 4 hour movie making slime balls to hell.





16 comments:

angry ballerina said...

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian....

The Depressed Doormat said...

if you ever cross over to the dark side... uhmm... can i have some pics?

Sophie said...

u call urself depressed doormat!!
so r u in rags!!

The Depressed Doormat said...

I am depressed, not impoverished.

Sophie said...

but why doormat??

The Depressed Doormat said...

you really can't be that dumb! what comes to mind when you say doormat? apart from the mat you keep outside your door to wipe your shoes or feet!

angry ballerina said...

Depends on how much your planning on paying. After we have decided upon the price, I reccomend you speak with my agent.

The Depressed Doormat said...

Don't get so pricey. I get it for free on youtube.

angry ballerina said...

Wow, your fuckin CHEAP

The Depressed Doormat said...

Thats not cheap, thats opportunistic.

angry ballerina said...

What's the frikken diffrence?!

The Depressed Doormat said...

uhmmmm... *twiddles thumbs*...THE POINT IS I'M NOT PAYING FOR SOMETHING THATS ALREADY FREE :P

angry ballerina said...

Something about getting the milk for free after eating the cow comes to mind. Crap what the hell is that saying.....I know I just butchered it...pun intended.

daydreamingoracle said...

if u love torturing urself.... try the himesh film next.....

the female lead in da film is a 14 yr old girl.... all da best wid dat! :P

and if dat dsnt do it 4 u.... dere r da songs :P

daydreamingoracle said...

n i commented whr is my vodka? :P

The Depressed Doormat said...

MUHUHAHAHAHAHA!!! gotcha. no vodka.