Saturday, July 28, 2007

Pot Pourri

I love food. I must confess, I haven’t always loved it. Getting me to eat when I was a kid was… difficult. I hated breakfast. My mom had to force feed me scrambled eggs. I don’t like the runny whites in a sunny side up, and early in the morning, with making breakfast and lunch for her boys, I couldn’t very well expect her to make it bone dry. And she had to force feed me because she found out I wouldn’t eat lunch. I was busy running around school during the lunch breaks. I’m glad I did. I wouldn’t want to look in the mirror anymore if I did eat all that she gave me for lunch. A few more kilos certainly would hurt.

Those days changed when I went to Delhi. A boy that wouldn’t eat one handful of rice, or one chapatti, now seamlessly devoured 8-10. My mom would cook enough in the morning for lunch and dinner so she wouldn’t have to cook twice and the little devil that I am, I enjoyed making her go cook again. But in my defense, I used to help her cook and clean, or any little thing I could that she would allow me to do.

Ever since then, I have been obsessed with food. From grossly underweight to undeniably over-weight, and living in three out of 4 cultural hubs of the country meant I had the fortune and opportunities to sample “local” cuisine. And now I love food even more. I expected the romance would end as I would be forced to enter the “female domain”, but it hasn’t been so.

Hoping that my appetite for good food will remain consistent over time, I decided to make my own list of Must-eats, like the 50 Things to eat before you die list that BBC viewers created, but unlike BBC, you are not welcome to vote or append my list. I would like to think my list is a bit more global, a lot more “worldly” and definitely less prejudiced than those stinking pommy bastards that voted fish and chips numero uno. But you may comment, for the sake of free speech and bullshit.

This list isn’t a list of cuisines I have sampled. In fact, chances are, I have never eaten any of these. But then what is the fun of making a list of must eats that have already been sampled. That would limit the possibilities and make this redundant for my own personal benefit. In making this list completely new to myself, I have opened a venue onto myself of places to see and things to eat. So this is a working and constructive list, rather than an omissive list that chooses to critique dishes and recipes. In the end, my list isn’t necessarily a list of Must eats, as much as it is a cultural exploration, which provided with sufficient time and money, I wish to carry out during my time on this shithole we call planet earth. As I said, this is more of a cultural exploration, so don’t expect to see single dish names, but generally cuisines I think I will enjoy and the types of dishes named are just illustrative, and I hope not to limit myself to those when the actual opportunity arrives.

  1. “Roof of the world” at an average elevation of 5km, Tibet. Home to the now exiled Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, home as well to the Momo and Butter Tea. Tibet’s proximity to the Indian and Chinese civilizations doesn’t say much about its cuisine, its isolated location within the lap of the Himalayan mountain ranges and its cold harsh weather promises an entirely different variety of cuisine. The momo was recommended by a friend and hopefully companion on these gastronomical expeditions. In addition to these two, the mountains find themselves to be the home of the Yak, a low-cholesterol, low-fat beef replacement. Whether as a “spicy stew” or a juicy rib-eye, I can’t bother much. It will be fun meeting the prospective future of beef!

  2. World’s Food Fair; Honk Kong. The fusion of eastern and western cuisine, without being blasphemous (or so I presume). Ruled by the british and now part of PRC, they probably have the best expertise at attempting this sort of fusion. And where else can you get shark fin soup! Alright, lots of places, but I’m sick of Chinese cuisine and this is as close to Chinese food I will allow myself.

    @ The Yung Kee Restaurant
  3. 32-40 Wellington Street, Central, Hong Kong

  4. “The American Bison is a bovine mammal, also commonly known as the American Buffalo, or simply buffalo, something of a misnomer as it is only distantly related to either of the two "true buffalos": the Water Buffalo and the African Buffalo.” – Source Wiki

    “Bison is one of the fastest growing segments of American Agriculture. The bison is very low maintenance and a very efficient grazing animal. Bison meat is much lower in fat and cholesterol than other meats but it maintains a very high protein level. Bison meat has a clear-cut advantage in our 'heart healthy' society.” – Iowa Bison Association

    SpeciesFat (g)Calories (kcal)Cholestrol (mg)Protein (g)
    Chicken *7.411908923.09

    Source: The Buffalo Shop, USDA National Nutrient Database

    And it cooks faster :D. Less fat, less insulation, less heat and time needed to cook the same meat. Flipside? Overcooking is a serious danger and can leave the meat dry. But I’m not worried, I’m getting my steak cooked by a pro. Who said health food can’t be tasty?

  5. To the land of the rising sun, to learn their art of marketing, manufacturing philosophies, and business stratagem. Who am I kidding? I’m going there for their Sashimi, Shochu, Awamori…

    Japan has some amazing alcoholic beverages. I was lucky enough to have an uncle who totally hated it at first taste and wasn’t tolerant enough to give it a chance. As I said, his loss was my gain and a full bottle of sake is certainly a nice gain.

    A bit of yakitori (bite-sized pieces of chicken meat, served with tare sauce, which is basically made up of mirin, sweet sake, soy sauce and sugar) with Awamori (alcoholic beverage indigenous to and unique to Okinawa, distilled) sounds good. They suggest a beer with your yakitori. But awamori sounds better. The booze actually catches fire at 120 proof.

    I’m still a bit queasy at the prospect of eating raw fish, so until I can get up the courage, I’ll stick with Tataki, a variant of Sashimi that has raw Tuna/Beef seared on the outside. Served with spring onions, ginger and garlic paste. Is it blasphemous to have wasabi with this, will surely make for an eye-watering experience. Shochu sounds great to wash it down.

  6. Mother Russia how are you sleeping
    Middle winter cold winds blow
    From the trees the snowflakes drifting
    Swirling round like ghosts in the snow

    Mother Russia poetry majestic
    Tells the time of a great empire
    Turning round the old man ponders
    Reminiscing an age gone by

    Mother Russia
    Dance of the czars
    Hold up your heads
    Be proud of what you are

    This is the last one of the first installment. I can’t stand it anymore!!! The more I read about the stuff I want to eat (eventually!!!) the more I WANT to eat it, NOW!

    Botvin`ya (typical cold Russian soups, that almost went extinct because it is very hard to make)

    A full botvin'ya consists of three parts:
    1. The soup.
    2. Boiled "red" (most prized) fish (salmon, sturgeon, or stellate sturgeon), that is served separately from soup.
    3. Crushed ice, served on a separate platter or cup.

    It is eaten as first course or right after a hot soup, before the second course as an appetizer. You have to eat it with two spoons and a fork: the fork is used to take the fish, the first spoon to sip the soup and the second spoon to put ice into the soup, so it stays cold for a long time. Botvin'ya is eaten with fresh rye bread.

    Veal Orloff (braised loin of veal, thinly sliced, filled with a thin layer of pureed mushrooms and onions between each slice, and stacked back. It is then topped with bechamel sauce and cheese and browned in the oven.)

    Kvass (fermented mildly alcoholic beverage made from black or rye bread, alcohol content is so low, 1-1.5%, often flavored with fruits or herbs such as strawberries or mint.)

    Meat Solyanka (ingredients like beef, ham, chicken breasts, and cabbage, together with salty mushrooms, cucumber pickles, tomatoes, onions, olives, capers, allspice, parsley, and dill are all cut fine and mingled with cream in a pot. The broth is added, and all shortly heated in the stove, without boiling.)

    Okroshka (cold soup, mix of mostly raw vegetables (like cucumbers, spring onion, radish), boiled potatoes, eggs, ham with the beverage kvass.)

    Shashlik (a form of Shish kebab, generally beef, pork, or lamb)

    Pelmeni (usually made with minced meat filling, wrapped in thin dough (made out of flour and eggs, sometimes with milk or water added). Often various spices, such as pepper and onions are mixed into the filling. Pelmeni are eaten by boiling in water until they float, and then 2-5 minutes more. The resulting dish is served with butter and/or sour cream.

Imprint Of My Mind: Untitled - The Boredom continues#links

Imprint Of My Mind: Untitled - The Boredom continues

"Aseem’s living condition was obviously at odds with his means. The President of a fairly successful sugar mill had no reason to tolerate living conditions that he had become accustomed to. Yet somehow, a glance into the lower level of his apartment would make anyone squeamish. However, the upper level was treated a lot more like a living space. The den, having been converted into a reading space, also housed all his business and work attire. It seemed to be an entirely different house from the lower level... "

Friday, July 27, 2007

Postcultural Narrative and Dialectic Deconstruction

1. Dialectic deconstruction and posttextual discourse
“Art is part of the dialectic of consciousness,” says Marx; however, according to Hamburger[1] , it is not so much art that is part of the dialectic of consciousness, but rather the absurdity, and eventually the collapse, of art. If posttextual discourse holds, the works of Spelling are reminiscent of Smith.

“Society is intrinsically used in the service of sexist perceptions of class,” says Debord. However, dialectic deconstruction holds that the task of the poet is deconstruction, but only if sexuality is distinct from language; otherwise, we can assume that the State is dead. The subject is contextualised into a dialectic Marxism that includes consciousness as a paradox.

In the works of Spelling, a predominant concept is the concept of subcapitalist truth. In a sense, Lyotard suggests the use of dialectic deconstruction to read sexual identity. The characteristic theme of the works of Spelling is not materialism as such, but postmaterialism.

The primary theme of von Ludwig’s[2] essay on postcultural narrative is the role of the artist as poet. But Foucault uses the term ‘neoconstructive cultural theory’ to denote the difference between art and society. Long[3] states that we have to choose between dialectic deconstruction and Debordist situation.

If one examines the subpatriarchial paradigm of context, one is faced with a choice: either reject posttextual discourse or conclude that sexual identity has intrinsic meaning. Thus, the example of postcultural narrative depicted in Rushdie’s Satanic Verses is also evident in The Moor’s Last Sigh, although in a more capitalist sense. The premise of dialectic deconstruction suggests that consciousness is fundamentally impossible.

“Culture is meaningless,” says Lacan; however, according to Dietrich[4] , it is not so much culture that is meaningless, but rather the stasis, and thus the genre, of culture. But the subject is interpolated into a Sartreist absurdity that includes language as a reality. If dialectic deconstruction holds, the works of Rushdie are an example of mythopoetical nihilism.

Thus, d’Erlette[5] holds that we have to choose between posttextual discourse and the semioticist paradigm of expression. In Midnight’s Children, Rushdie examines postcapitalist nationalism; in The Moor’s Last Sigh, however, he affirms posttextual discourse.

Therefore, the main theme of the works of Rushdie is the role of the participant as poet. Baudrillard’s model of dialectic pretextual theory implies that context comes from communication, but only if the premise of postcultural narrative is valid; if that is not the case, sexual identity, somewhat paradoxically, has objective value.

But Bataille uses the term ‘capitalist theory’ to denote a posttextual paradox. The subject is contextualised into a posttextual discourse that includes consciousness as a reality.

In a sense, the primary theme of Drucker’s[6] critique of postcultural narrative is the common ground between reality and class. The subject is interpolated into a dialectic deconstruction that includes sexuality as a whole.

But Foucault’s analysis of postcultural narrative states that the collective is capable of significance. Several narratives concerning the role of the writer as artist exist.

Therefore, the subject is contextualised into a posttextual discourse that includes truth as a reality. An abundance of constructions concerning postcultural narrative may be found.

It could be said that Bataille uses the term ‘dialectic deconstruction’ to denote the bridge between sexuality and class. The main theme of the works of Rushdie is the role of the participant as writer.

In a sense, any number of discourses concerning a self-sufficient whole exist. If Debordist image holds, we have to choose between dialectic deconstruction and subtextual dialectic theory.

2. Rushdie and the pretextual paradigm of discourse
If one examines dialectic deconstruction, one is faced with a choice: either accept posttextual discourse or conclude that expression is a product of the collective unconscious. However, Foucault uses the term ‘dialectic deconstruction’ to denote the common ground between sexual identity and society. The characteristic theme of Cameron’s[7] essay on postcultural narrative is a dialectic totality.

It could be said that Sargeant[8] implies that we have to choose between deconstructivist rationalism and postcapitalist theory. The premise of posttextual discourse states that reality is capable of social comment, but only if language is interchangeable with sexuality; otherwise, Bataille’s model of postcultural narrative is one of “the dialectic paradigm of narrative”, and therefore intrinsically elitist.

However, the subject is interpolated into a posttextual discourse that includes culture as a whole. If dialectic deconstruction holds, we have to choose between postcultural narrative and subcapitalist cultural theory.

Forgot to put the damn disclamer. This ISNT ME. Its some stupid random text generator. Pretty Impressive eh!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Imprint Of My Mind: Boredom - Untitled

Imprint Of My Mind: Boredom - Untitled

The kitchen exhaust was humming rather loudly. This wasn’t unusual for the dingy kitchen. It was rather startling that it had even started. It usually took an eternity to start up. That would explain the residual odor. Aseem hadn’t cooked in his kitchen too often, and it had been years since he had done that. But still the kitchen lay littered with fruits and the sink up to the brim with unwashed cups...

Editor on Holiday.

In between the work I have had to do coupled with the necessary amounts of procrastination, I have been left with little time over the past few days but to read nonsense like English Verb Tenses, Bread Recipes, Barbecue recipes, and How to Make Beer and Wine.

So I apologize beforehand for the extreme boredom that will reflect in this post, but do bear with me. I promise more interesting posts in the near future, or atleast to a degree amusing, depending on how you are inclined. Some might find it boring, and I strongly urge them to be as critical and/or abusive as they can be. It surely will reduce the boredom.

But for now, I feel the need to rant about the Indian "news media" once again. The fact that this happens to be an article about Shilpa Shetty is purely coincidental.

Startling that Newspapers or their online counterparts let such bullshit fly. I don't wish to debate over whether this is News or page 3 bullshit. The thing that does startle me is that a reporter typed this out and the editor didn't bother to proof read. Apparently, newspapers don't care about correct grammar and language.


Wednesday, July 25, 2007: (Mumbai):

Shilpa Shetty is in legal trap. The writer obviously never got an A in class. Hence she figured no one would miss it in the sentence. Bad joke? Perhaps, but undoubtedly poor grammar. A London law firm has sued Shilpa's company Cine Entertainment for not clearing their dues.

A security company called CTR services is also planning to sue her on non-payment of bills as they had provided security services to Shilpa in the UK sometime backs. What backs? And if i remember my school grammar correctly, the subject of the sentence is a collective noun (Company) and hence 'is' should be replaced with 'are', purely speculative.

According to the reports, Shilpa has also been dropped from famous publicist Max Clifford's client list due to conflicts with Max's employees.

However, her representative in the UK, Farnath Hussain informs that her company Cine Entertainment has already paid every penny that they owe. Their payment got delayed because the figures CTR submitted were not right and her company asked them to rework on it. Rework on it??? wtf! 'it' refers to 'the figures', so lets plug it in place and see if it makes sense. '... asked them to rework on the figures. If you haven't shot yourself yet, I assure you the next one will take you over the edge.

Recently, she was allegedly linked up with her "good friend" and producer Raj Kundra. Kundra's wife Kavita openly accused Shilpa in media for breaking their marriage." In media? need I say more?

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Victory is OURS!

Newsflash: India proves Gandhi's last letter is Legally ours. Fuck you pommies.

The Indian government gets possession of a letter written by Mahatma Gandhi, which was originally due for auction in London on Tuesday.

British auction house Christie's called of the auction after the letter was withdrawn by its owner.

The move followed when it was established that the actual ownership of the letter was with the Navjiwan Trust in Ahmedabad.

Gandhi wrote the letter 19 days before he was assassinated by a Hindu activist in Delhi in 1948.

In the handwritten letter published in the journal Harijan, Gandhi pleaded for tolerance towards Muslims and also advocated the importance of Urdu.

Yeah, you guessed right. I'm fucking ecstatic.

Two down, 60,776,238 to go.

She's No Mother Of Mine

Mother Teresa is well known for having founded the Missionaries of Charity and her ‘good work’ in the “slums of Calcutta”. And all is hunky dory, as the questions raised by those more skeptical of her are suppressed by the heavy hand that is religion. And the list of people that are skeptical is not merely limited to the “religious bigots” of the VHP, but can find a resounding aye amongst the most revered thinkers of our times, including Richard Dawkins, Sanaal Edamaruku (first president of the Rationalist International and Secretary General of the Indian Rationalist International), Walter Wuellenweber (who published an article on Teresa’s first death anniversary in the German Magazine STERN) and more importantly Seiku Murmu. The list on non-believers goes on, from the prominent to the experienced, and it can be easily shown that the believers choose not to see all that surrounds the sainthood of Teresa.

A lot of people will claim these people are jealous of her having become a saint, and prior to that regarded as one in the eyes of millions. Or perhaps that she has shown the “strength” to do what they could not. But the so called strength Teresa showed during her ‘good work’ in the slums is the same strength that propels the mad-men at Gaza, at Al-Qaeda camps and the religious crazies that whip themselves to feel ‘closer to god’.

What about the Nobel peace Prize she has? Isn’t that the greatest sham on earth? I think so. I am not claiming that all other Nobel prizes are sham, but just this one.

The right to submit proposals for the Nobel Peace Prize, based on the principle of competence and universality, shall by statute be enjoyed by:

1. Members of national assemblies and governments of states;

2. Members of international courts;

3. University rectors; professors of social sciences, history, philosophy, law and theology; directors of peace research institutes and foreign policy institutes;

4. Persons who have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize;

5. Board members of organizations who have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize;

6. Active and former members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee; (proposals by members of the Committee to be submitted no later than at the first meeting of the Committee after February 1) and

7. Former advisers appointed by the Norwegian Nobel Institute.

If you read it carefully, any religious bigot could nominate her and in the face of her public popularity there isn’t much contest. But where in this list do we find Mahatma Gandhi, probably the greatest expounder of peace. I may not agree with everything that he did, but little debate can be made over whether he was deserving of a peace prize.

The Vatican is also out to win a popularity race. With so many Christians demanding her beatification, it was easy to have done, considering the office of “Advocatus Diaboli” has been abolished, to allow for instant sainthood. The traditional role of AD was replaced by a single anti-Teresa voice, that of Christopher Hitchens. They saw no need to seek the opinion of more important people, core to this issue and witnesses of the supposed miracle. So predetermined was their need and intent to see her as a saint, that they didn’t deem unethical or unholy (as is their kind) to take away credit from the medical practitioner that put in the effort to cure her. Neither did they seek the witness of the husband, Seiku Murmu, who has constantly maintained that the whole miracle aspect is bullshit and who has gone on record that it was the doctors and no pseudo-saint that cured his wife.

But all of this is concerned with whether she should be granted sainthood. Some would say that it doesn’t matter and that her work speaks volumes to her perseverance and generosity. In response to that, all I can do is hang my head in shame that so many people see what they want to see. Teresa was a fraud. There remains millions of charity money with the Vatican intended to alleviate the condition of the poor in the slums of Calcutta and elsewhere. Most of this money comes from the most “evil” of people like Robert Maxwell and many of them see it as a quick fix for all their moral crimes. Not to mention that it’s the best way to launder money.

Teresa’s and Nirmala’s (the one who now heads the freak show) own statements, show clearly that they are not here to help the poor. Anyone who has bothered to look beyond the pristine white saree and blue border knows that the poor have been harmed more than helped. Those that have delved deeper into the working and psyche of Teresa and the missionary begin to see all that is fucked up with the way they work.

In the end, the supposed good that they missionaries have done in Calcutta is a bunch of bullshit. Ask the people in the slums of Calcutta. Thousands of independent interviewers have penetrated the fa├žade that is the picture of the generous mother. There are thousands of charitable organizations in India that do more. They do not seek to convert the sick and weak of will, but truly put in their efforts to improve the living conditions of those they touch. In conclusion, Teresa has harmed India more than she has helped her. I am not indebted to her and her missionary for anything.

I feel it is impossible to illuminate all the facts that go to show Teresa is a fraud. Especially not within a blog post. The over whelming pages of evidence would be far more if religious organizations were more transparent in their financial dealings. When sisters of the missionary start to speak out (those that still believe strongly in the Christian faith) people should begin to wonder if all is as it seems on the surface.

Pannalal Manik also has doubts. "I don't understand why you educated people in the West have made this woman into such a goddess!" Manik was born some 56 years ago in the Rambagan slum, which at about 300 years of age, is Calcutta's oldest. What Manik has achieved, can well be called a "miracle". He has built 16 apartment buildings in the midst of the slum -- living space for 4000 people. Money for the building materials -- equivalent to DM 10000 per apartment building -- was begged for by Manik from the Ramakrishna Mission [a Indian/Hindu charity], the largest assistance-organisation in India. The slum-dwellers built the buildings themselves. It has become a model for the whole of India. But what about Mother Teresa? "I went to her place 3 times," said Manik. "She did not even listen to what I had to say. Everyone on earth knows that the sisters have a lot of money. But no one knows what they do with it!"

The Britishers referred to Mahatma Gandhi as `Mr Gandhi'. Why should we call her `Mother'?
- Giriraj Kishore

On the issue of abortion, Mother Teresa's was a fundamentalist position, one that was firmly allied with the Pope's hard-line position. Mother Teresa went so far as to appeal to victims of rape during the Bangladesh war not to terminate their pregnancies; the Pope, naturally, wanted the more recent victims of rape in Bosnia to follow the same course. At a public Mass in Knock, Ireland, in 1992, Mother Teresa said: "Let us promise Our Lady who loves Ireland so much that we will never allow in this country a single abortion. And no contraceptions."

All this irritates Monica's husband Seiku. "It is much ado about nothing," he says. "My wife was cured by the doctors and not by any miracle."
- Seiku Murmu, husband of "miraculously cured" Monica Besra

Suggested further reading:
Op-ed: The unblessed of Calcutta

Indian rationalists call Mother Teresa's miracle hocus-pocus

Calcutta-born doctor speaks out: 'Mother Teresa did more harm than good

India has no reason to be grateful to Mother Teresa


What's Mother Teresa Got to Do with It?

Mommie Dearest: The pope beatifies Mother Teresa, a fanatic, a fundamentalist, and a fraud.

Mother Theresa - Where are her millions?

Neurologist: Sodomy "Common" in Mother Teresa's Orphanage

This Last one, is thanks to Bhavna. She brought this book to my notice and a quick search on google and I had found the book. Just goes to show how many people would like to know the truth.

Mother Teresa The Final Verdict By Aroup Chatterjee

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Forward this, FUCKING RETARD!!

Discourse is fleeting, but junk mail is forever.
- Joe Bob Briggs

The following is a forward I got in my e-mail recently. I hate forwards. This is why. I hate forwards as much as I hate spam and chain letters. I don’t want to fall in love and I don’t care if I never meet “the girl of my dreams”. So save your breath and STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. Anyway, enjoy the forward. And if you want to keep away from the rant stop at “it’s in flames!!!” Some people learnt to stop sending me forwards after I sent them pretty strongly worded replies as to how fucking retarded they are. It is bad enough I have to deal with hundreds of spam emails from corporations trying to shove their penis enhancement exercise programs and drugs in my face. To add to that “well intentioned” spam and I have a 50 mail inbox everyday, without fail, with nothing worth reading. Even the important mails slip right through.

1. at the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/ friends....

Question: Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer: Don’t you know that I sell tickets in black over here...

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:
Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer: No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people asks...

Stupid Question: Why, why him, of all people.

Answer: Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question: Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer: No, it’s terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years

Stupid Question: Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer: Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question: Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer: No, he’s a miserable wife-beating, insensitive's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question: Sorry. Were you sleeping?

Answer: No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question: Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer: No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question: Tell me if it hurts?

Answer: No it won’t. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...

Stupid Question: Oh, so you smoke.

Answer: Gosh, it's a miracle was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Rant time now. The person that sent this mail obviously has an infantile sense of humor. I am sure he lets out a girlish giggle every single time he hears “pee pee” just like the kid in Look Who’s Talking.

First of all, learn the fucking dynamics of speech. We as humans are capable of pretty complex speech. It isn’t necessary we say what we mean. We often encode what we intend on saying in phrases that have become commonplace. So next time your movie going buddy asks you what you are doing at the theater, do the polite thing. Answer him to the best your 4 year old brain can. And just because you are at the movie theater doesn’t fucking mean you are watching a fucking movie. Just like it doesn’t mean you are undergoing an operation if you are at the fucking hospital.

2. If you are the kind that can’t graciously accept a fucking apology for an accident, unintentional I guess, then I guarantee you, I will be the one stepping on your foot again if you ever say it to my face. Else you are just another guy with no fucking balls.

3. No, I would rather it would have been you. I shudder at the thought of little ones with your fucking DNA running about this planet, or for that matter any other.

4. Einstein, grow the fuck up. People have the right to order the best dish their money can buy. So pardon me if I want to know whether their Paneer Butter fucking masala is good enough for MY MONEY.

5. I normally assume this is an expression of surprise at the amount of time it has been since they have seen you. But in your case, it probably was a genuine sense of wonder. Everyone thought that with your level of intellect you would have electrocuted yourself well before puberty or driven of a cliff on your bicycle. We are all very surprised (some losing their faith in god, the rest in the theory of evolution) that you are still alive and apparently well.

6. Doesn’t hurt to scare the living shit out of the imbecile, does it? And you will be surprised how many people get married into what they know will be abusive relationships. So keep your stupid fucking thoughts in your head.

7. Not everyone is asleep as early as you fucking baby. Yes, baby needs his beauty sleep and mommy makes sure he is tucked in at 9 o’clock. But some of us dare to live a little.

8. Have you considered that the two people are meeting after a long time? Something could look different without you knowing what it is. It’s a guessing game. Arggghhhh

9. I challenge you to say that to your dentists face. I would love to see you bleed, ideally to death. Somehow you seem to have no value for the humanity your dentist is showing you by caring for your fucking well being.

10. Say that to the hot chick, will you? I guess not. Mr. Big will be the first to put out his cigarette I bet. Hypo-fucking-crite.