Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Pissing In The Wind

Holy Coca Co(w)la. The Colas are doomed!

India is the land of useless regulation. We are world leaders in double standards and NO standards. A blog I visit, recently had a post about how Indian products make unsubstantiated claims, which in first world countries would be unacceptable. But in the land of hindutva1, hypocrisy and lack of regulation make a perfect couple and no valentine's day for them either.

So what is the connection between colas and Indian hypocrisy? Not the pesticide thing… I really don't care about that. So if the pesticide scandal and the prospect of impending fatality are not big enough to bring a multinational corporation down, then what is? Piss. Yes, urine, and not just any urine, the blessed and holy piddle emanating from the saviors of the world, beef. This wee-wee is being branded by none other than the saviors of bharat mata, the RSS. As if the great Indian rope trick, images of free roaming elephants and dung laden streets weren't bad enough for urban India, now this.

But this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are "doctors" and "scientists" that claim "research" on cow urine therapy has been performed to demonstrate its effectiveness.

"Our Aim is...

Our main aim and objective is to prevent and cure most of the diseases by applying a totally natural and highly effective new concept. We will be pround if we will be able to give some Relief to this world. We are trying to follow the path of serving humanity shown by God. We are trying to make this therapy much more simple and feasible."


In the face of this fundamentalist ignorance, I quote the words of my Goan brothers2, "Aamcha Feni aamka jai, tujha mut tu pee" (roughly translated: "We want our feni, you drink your piss").

But before I end this post, I have a few questions. Will golden showers stop being a fetish in India and be part of the rejuvenation regiment? I guess you don't have to worry about taking a whiz in a pool anymore.





1. Hindutva isn't the only one I think is guilty of this hypocrisy, for the record.

2. I have never found any record of anyone having said this. As far as I know, the only person that has ever used this phrase is my uncle, Vijay Bijur. Therefore I attribute this to him.

His "story" goes like this. The slogan was raised by the goans during the prohibition era of Morarji Desai, who claimed that the reason of his good health was that he drank his own piss. As far as I know, this is a fabrication of his brilliant mind.

9 comments:

arun said...

Well, firstly i dont like the tag "Dumb Indians". I am sure this will have medical tourists from the world over thronging for a sip. We are just good at coming up with stuff and playing you westerners for chumps. Its a brilliant gimmic and it certainly caught ur attention!

The Depressed Doormat said...

1. I doubt many foreigners want to drink Cow piss.

2. The west is very conscious about proven medical treatments. Only people that are desperate to survive will be willing to try this.

3. It affects Indians more than it does westerners.

4. It affects people "proud to be indian" more than it does me.

I just call it like I see it. If indians do something dumb, I will call it dumb.

P.S. This isn't a gimmick. These people actually believe that cow piss is a cure and that drinking cow piss instead of coke and pepsi will revive Hinduism.

R. Ramesh said...

i am not in the debate...i get 2 out of 10 when it comes to debates..but i can tell u...yr blog is great and i respect your views..dialogue is a gift..and no one, no one, no one wins arguments..right? congrats buddy..all the best..

arun said...

Many forigners you'd think didnt want Bush for president atleast the second time over...but look what happened there?

Medical tourism in India has aged population from the west pouring in (really large numbers)spending their social security money on mud packs and "ayurvedic" massages. With the demographcs showing the West has more people in the age group of 50 - 80, i'd only expect this number to increase. The worst part is India isnt even packaging medical tourism or marketing it...and yet we have this response.

Yes it does affect Indians more than westerners. You are an Indian (more pseudo westerner)and it will give you something else to run away from and scorn at. We will have more people like you pointing fingers and calling names.

It will hardly affect anyone who is a proud indian. If you pseudo westerners find one thing to laugh at we proud indians have a million other things to feel proud of. We can use our discretionary powers better than people like you to chose what is better for us and leave out the "dumber" facts

Unless you are one of them...you can neve conclude "they believe" so. And even if they do believe so...i find it a lot more encouraging than believing "Bush for president"

The Depressed Doormat said...

@Arun: When you say "west" are you talking about the US or the entire "west"?

As for cow urine, they do believe it. There is no dearth of "testimonials" of people that have used cow urine therapy and claim its success. Before you come here and make dumb claims, read up. I have been following the cow urine therapy crap for a while now and I have most of my facts in order. The coca cola scam just hits India when it is down most. When foreign investors are wondering about the stability of the nation and the sanity of its leaders.

Million things to be proud of? Name 50 in the past decade. And like every Indian, you will name Mallya, and Tatas, Mittal, who are less Indian than even me! (that shouldn't be hard in a country of 50!)

Mud packs and ayurvedic massages aren't medical treatments. Are you really this dumb or are you asking your pre-teen cousin to type this shit? I have always thought you were a little more coherent in your arguments.

Medical tourism is doing well, because we have a lot of doctors. We have a lot of doctors that have state of the art equipment (which they buy from the west because "we" can't make their own tech). We have a lot of medical tourists because the rupee is weak and the west can afford to take a holiday and get their medical treatment in India, all while saving money. Of course, this goes only for treatments that aren't urgent or life threatening. This does point to the inherently crappy health care system in "the west", but that isn't what this post is about.

But while the west has infinite access to medical treatment in India, our own people barely get the minimum vaccinations that are deemed necessary. Why, you must have missed the recent syringe scam .


P.S. I am not running away from India. Your pseudo nationalism is just appalling. I am not going to waste my time to dignify that retarded statement. Also, I have never said the US is perfect. So I don't know where you are getting this inferiority complex, but I can bet my house that it wasn't from me.

@Ramesh: Someone always wins the argument. It may not be in the immediate period following the debate, but if there are two sides of a coin, usually one is a little better than the other.

Thanks for dropping by.

P.S. I know arun and so I feel I can take the liberty with him in being this scathing, as I hope there will be no love lost. I won't be as hard on you if you decide to throw your hat into the ring.

arun said...

Touche my friend...

There are no facts here!!! Cow "Urine" therepy is something people here subscribe to. It has absolutely no relevance or coherence with foreign investors or for that matter sanity of our leaders!!! If you want it...its available!! Think of it as a fetish bar in amsterdam!! Does shoving a heated dildo up our ass sound like fun??? not to me....but to some people...hell yes. I quote from wikipedia "Amsterdam is the financial and business capital of the Netherlands.[52] Amsterdam is currently one of the best European cities in which to locate an international business." So whats your point really....???


Medical tourism from the west is primarily for ayurvedic, yoga and such "dumb" treatments. The sic people who come here for critical surgeries are from pakistan or lesser developed countries!! People in the west....USA primarily, have insurance to cover their medical expenses and why wud they want to leave their home and come to India for a surgery or when they are ill, critically or otherwise? I am sure of my facts in this feild and i know there are more and more westerners exploring indian traditional therapies.

Its not the inferiority complex that caused me to flair up, its the tendency of us indians to do our part in making things worse while complaining about them! If you are really concerned FDI in India would be hit by the cow piss incident, why would you be casting it in such a bad light and tagging your essay with "dumb Indians". I respect that you took the option of going away from something you dont like, but dont make it worse for those who want to stay!

As for naming 50 good things in the last decade....atleast we didnt put the world in a recession! I will update my blog with 50 things i am proud of about india in the last decade.


P.S :- Love not lost at all. The "dragon tattoo man shall love you forever"

arun said...

and maybe you should have titled your blog "pissing INTO / AGAINST the wind"...i thought it would drive your point home better.

The Depressed Doormat said...

First things first, no one reads i-hate, so there is no risk of me affecting India's FDI.

Secondly, I post about dumb americans too! Post titled "Dumb Americans" should be a dead give away.

As for the recession, it isn't something that was caused by the stupidity of the americans alone. It was caused by the greed of people (in the US and outside it as well) who decided to take everyone for a big fucking ride. The housing crisis in the US is just one aspect that contributed to it, not the entire picture.

And yes, Americans are just as dumb (if not worse) as Indians. But that doesn't swell my heart with pride.

Will look forward to the silver lining on your blog.

Pissing in the wind is a (slang) phrase that means doing something futile and useless. The title was targeted at the "Coca Cowla" and my post! However, I find the fact that Indians FUND "cow urine therapy research" to be disheartening when there is so much more viable research that requires our attention and funding. I should have made this point clearer in my post, because a lot of people don't realize this is implicit.

Vikas Gupta said...

Let them drink it! I am glad of course! I wish they try a few other animals too!

I see you guys are debating who is wise and who is otherwise! Can't throw my hat in the ring thanks to lack of time; my best wishes for the debate just the same.

P.S.: Thanks for stopping by on my blog. You have a wise head on your young shoulders (you are 24). See you later when I am have time.